I Am Jack's Raging Mommy

Please go to http://jacksragingmommy.com

Monday, August 08, 2005

Chock Full O' Nuts

Oh interweb, how I love you. You enable me in my neediness. Does that mean we are co-dependent? I am not supposed to be in co-dependent relationships. Though I always thought they were good in theory. I mean, two people who need eachother. How could that go wrong? Oh, the sarcasm. I know far too well how many ways that can go wrong. I spent days and weeks, hell, years crying and weeping. I even gnashed my teeth.

I feel I should disclose some facts.
Hello, my name is Jack's Raging Mommy and I am a...
Compulsive overeater. Once, after I got out of the crazy hospital, I had to go to Overeaters Anonymous meetings because of my bulemia. It was me and three fat women. That's gonna keep me from purging, sure.

Bi-Polar type B(b?)- Whichever is the far far more depressive version. Unfortunately I am also a rapid cycler. Once, when I was going into the crazy hospital (I have now covered both trips) I was lying in bed in the emergency room after having my stomach pumped, laughing my head off. Then they told me I was being admitted and I started yelling. I was having a great day.

Neurotic (with paranoid tendencies)- I can't use a bathroom that doesn't lock. I can't use the bathroom if someone else is in there (the next stall or whatever. Though I am also incapable of peeing in front of Joe). I know you are laughing at me.

Obsessive Compulsive- It used to take me two hours to go to bed, because I had to check and recheck my alarm, my front door locks, and my car locks and windows. That was the worst I ever got, though I have to fight on a nightly basis not to look at Jack every hour convinced he has stopped breathing. Which is hard, 'cause what if I convince myself not to check and I was right?

Agorophobic- for a while, before and after the second crazy hospital, it was a huge deal if I went to Wal-Mart (only with someone else and only at night) or to the gas station down the block. I still can't sit in the middle of the aisle at a movie theatre though. Or stand in the middle of a group of people. Or a line. There's a reason I am on sedatives three times a day :)

Those are my highlights. Don't you feel so much better about yourself now? You really should. I mean, I am actually crazy. And if I can do something, you know you must be able to, Internet.

I don't want my kids to be crazy. I had a long, hard road to get where I am now, and God knows I am barely functional much of the time. I always said my friends are the best people, to not only put up with me, but to like me. And how blessed am I to have Joe? He loves the hell out of me, and it's really not just the sex cause he didn't get hardly any during the pregnancy.
Thank you for reading me internet. And you don't have to worry, I am really far away and you don't have to hang out with me in person.


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