I Am Jack's Raging Mommy

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Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Carrie too, the Rage

I was thinking earlier how every girl I've ever known who has gone by "Kat" was an awful evil bitch. And for that reason alone I will never name a daughter of mine Katherine even though I love the name Kate.
I used to love James as a boy name, then a supposedly close friend named James screwed me and his other supposed friend over. Everyone else just ignored it or laughed it off. I have sworn to hate him forever.
My ex-fiance cheated on me with a girl named Carrie, who I already disliked. Now I hate the name on general principal.

I will hold a grudge as long as there is life left in me, as long as it is justified. I've been screwed over, cheated on and stabbed in the back too many times to keep these people in my life. You betray me? You are gone. That's it. No second chances, no setting up for you to do it again. I learned this lesson the hard way. I get very angry very easily, the type of anger that makes you sick to your stomach. It lasts for a little while with those who have earned their shunning, but eventually the white hot hatred goes away and is replaced by far less volatile disdain. And there is only one person who is still a friend that I'd stopped speaking to at one point. We still can't talk about the fight though, because I still get that angry all over again.
I have issues with rage.

I once was in an official road rage incident, the cop called it that and everything. Basically a semi got mad at me for passing him and sped up so that I couldn't. On a windy two lane mountain road. It was great.

The funniest part about all this is that no one has made me mad today, I just got thinking about Kats while I was reading a book about an Amish girl named Katie. The Amish made me think about rage. Isn't that funny?
I'm going to stop taking my Depakote now.

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