Where it stops no one knows

Between the language I use, and Jack being named Jack, I get a disturbing number of hits from people looking for mommy porn. For the most part this makes me laugh, but today's hit for "Mommy jacks me off" was a little too disturbing. Do you mean that literally? Is your mother having incestuous relations with you? Perhaps you merely want to have incestuous relations with your mother, it's not happening in reality. But if it's merely innocent MILF porn you are looking for why, oh why would you use that particular phrasing? I wonder sometimes if I ought to have crisis resource links on the side of my page. RAINN at the very least.

Speaking of MILF porn, I had to explain the acronym to my very Baptist mother the other day. (I refer to her as my very Baptist mother because she will now only wear skirts and dresses. She's still a lot better than she used to be). Anyway, we were discussing either A) stupid message T-Shirts or B) how trashy Britney Spears is. I mentioned Britney's "Future MILF" shirt, and then realized I'd have to define it. I managed to do so without saying the word, but not without scarring my mother. I'm sure she'd rather I didn't know that kind of thing. For that matter, she'd rather I'd never read Harry Potter. I'd rather she wear pants. And the wheel goes round.

Speaking of pants, I have started getting dressed of a day, rather than staying in pajamas all the time, and maybe putting on different ones each day or so. But all my pants are tight. So I had really wretched muffin tops today because I couldn't bring myself to put on a maternity shirt to hide them. I think I decided fat was better than pregnant, though god knows why. At least if people thought I was pregnant I'd have an excuse for how very, very wide my ass is.

Speaking of ass, I've now used it, MILF and Britney Spears in the same post. Bring on the trolls!

The End