It's my new favorite word

You know what? I'm smart. Seriously, they should have people study me. So I put off going to the store this week, because I didn't feel like having to deal with the drive and the people, and wrestling the baby and and and. I couldn't even bring myself to make up a list. So no store. (We went grocery shopping, I am just talking about the trek to Wal-Mart) And turns out, there's money in the bank still! I had no idea it worked that way. It's amazing. It's also not as if I can spend it, after all we need rent money even if the search for a house is going to hell.

And oh, what a hell it is. Not only is it budgeting, finding a good neighborhood, debating house vs. apartment, deciding do I really want to sign a lease and commit myself to another year in Rolla, it is that I have to decide these things primarily on my own, with Joe working nights and sleeping during the day. Rolla is also bass-akwards enough that only one rental agency has listings you can look at online. So I have to drive half an hour down the road with a baby, then drive around and look at places, blah blah blah. I fucking hate it. I'll stop whining now, really, I just need to vent it.

So I have some money, but I don't have money. I have a home, but I don't have a home. I have a life, but I so do not have a life. My life is very ambivalent.