Dear Britney Spears,

I'd like to have you know I defended you. I'm not a fan, never have been. Hell, I wanted your fifteen minutes to be up when your first song came out. But I defended you nonetheless.
"She can't be that stupid" I would say. "She isn't that ignorant and trashy. She is just having a hard time losing her baby weight. It's only been a few months for God's sake. Just because everyone else in Hollywood gets rid of it in two weeks, this doesn't mean anything. Fuck, it's even healthier! Of course she wouldn't be pregnant again already. The first baby didn't save the marriage, if anything it's shown her how unready she was to be a parent. She wouldn't have another one before the year was up. She just can't be that moronic."

And oh, Britney, how you proved me wrong. You are a new mom, you have a lazy, talentless jackass for a husband. I understand that you didn't know what you were getting yourself into and you are doing your best to make it work, but damn girl. You let his dick in you again? Uncovered? That SOON? He's an idiot. I am sure you could have made him wait the six weeks even though you had a C-section. He wouldn't have known any better. I doubt Shar let him climb up on her that soon. But maybe that is why he said you were better in bed. Any way you look at it though, it was a boneheaded move.

Please do me a favor and have him snipped after this one? I have no doubt that he's the type that says it doesn't feel right with a condom, and don't worry baby he'll pull out. I wouldn't be surprised if you are that girl who can never remember to take he pills, whether she intended to or not. I was that girl, but I also managed to put eight years between my pregnancies. And I certainly didn't let the same irresponsible dumbass knock me up more than once. Anyway, if you have him snipped you don't have to worry about those skanks he sleeps with suing him over paternity claims and taking your money. Hasn't he cost you enough already?

Anyway,
I just wanted you to know how disappointed I am in you. I was willing to give you all kinds of new credit in my head since you and I were new moms together, but after the car, the highchair, and now this I just can't do it anymore.
You need to be educated. In life, birth control, men, and so many other things. Let your mama take care of those kids for a while and go away and put your brain back together. I really only have your best interests at heart.

Sincerely,
Jack's Raging Mommy