I Am Jack's Raging Mommy

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Friday, June 02, 2006

As Is

It's easy to forget sometimes what all we have to be grateful for. We can get caught up in the sameness of every day life, and start to go into the what-ifs. You know. What if I'd gone this way or that? What if I'd made this choice or not made this other one.
And then when one of those what-ifs pops up in your life you go off on a very dangerous tangent. *

Then you remember. You talk to your ex for an hour online and fall back into the fighting and confusion and pain and weirdness that you always fell into before.

Joe and I don't fight. Sure, we argue but generally whatever is upsetting us gets said. We say what the problem is and why we are upset and what can be done to fix it. Then it's done. We might make the same mistake again, but we can deal with it.

There is no horrible drama with Joe. I've never been so at peace and so happy as when I am with him. He can irritate the hell out of me, and I can piss him off to no end, but it doesn't circle our heads and fill the air with this horrible tension that always ends up erupting in another screaming and crying match.

Joe can commit. Evidence? He married me. That's some pretty damn good proof right there.

Joe doesn't cheat. Joe wouldn't cheat. I don't have to worry about it, or go all loopy and start to think I am crazy. And he would never look me in the eye and deny it and then a year later confess that a) he lied and b) he cheated on me with three different girls. After all that I didn't trust anyone... until Joe came along. I always trusted him, even when we were living seven hours apart.

Joe's family drives me nuts, but I like them, and they like me and don't treat me like I'm the lowest shit in the universe. I've been welcomed into his family (even though I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid in his sister's wedding even though all the other sisters were. But I do actually get it)

Above all else, Joe and I are family. We have a baby together, we've made our lives together and I can't imagine my life without him. I love him so much, and I'm beyond lucky to have him.

I'm glad my ex is a prick. He helped to remind me just how good I've got it.

*There was no tanget. I didn't go (or get) off on anything (or anyone). This is just an example of the places that the what-ifs can take you.