I Am Jack's Raging Mommy

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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I don't want my pee to smell funny

I was reading the South Beach diet book this morning, and all the breakfasts involve juice of some kind. Often tomato or vegetable which, hell no I am not drinking. Also? It listed decaf coffee or tea. Now, do I have to drink that? I don't like either one. Decaf coffee is like non-alcoholic beer. There's no point. But if this is a medically balanced, carefully planned diet then I am not sure you are supposed to substitute. Which sucks, because what the hell is with the asparagus? Seriously, asparagus everywhere. I think you lose weight by scaring the fat away with your pee smell.

I don't know that I will actually do it, and I wouldn't be doing it to stay on the diet for any extended period of time. It's just that the thought of losing 8-13 pounds in two weeks is highly attractive. I just have to decide now if it's more attractive than the ugliness that is cooking three meals a day, eating asparagus, and drinking the blood of a carrot. I am surprised he doesn't just tell you to drink asparagus juice for two weeks. I am pretty sure he wanted to.

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