I Am Jack's Raging Mommy

Please go to http://jacksragingmommy.com

Thursday, September 29, 2005

It's not you, it's me

I am sure I am not the only person who monitors their blog stats. I may go about it a bit more obsessively than most, I admit that I have three Site Trackers, but everyone is curious about this stuff, right?

So anyway, I don't know how to check how many people subscribe to my site in general, but I do know how to check a couple of different sources. Whenever I get added by someone new it's a rush. Yes, I validate myself through the internet. But anyway, as great as it feels to have someone add me, I'm kind of devastated that I got dropped.

Was it something I said? I'll change, baby. I'll be who you want me to be, just don't leave me. I love you, I can't live without you. All that hopeless co-dependent shit. But I really do feel like I got dumped, and I've been trying to figure out what I did to get dropped, and thinking how maybe if I am really, really clever I will get taken back. How pathetic am I? My God.

I think in a way my reaction makes sense. I don't get out much, and I don't have a lot of opportunity to talk to my real world friends, and when I do it's usually over the internet anyway. I'd started to come to terms with the fact that my friends are online and I don't know what most of them look like. Then I get dumped and it's just as difficult as losing a friend in the real world. See how much I've been thinking about this, and analyzing it? I am a loser.

P.S. I am also doing that loser-y ex girlfriend thing where I say to myself "Well I didn't always think you were so funny, but I kept reading you dammit! I didn't give up! Maybe I should drop you now and see how it makes you feel!"
I'm fucking insane.