I Am Jack's Raging Mommy

Please go to http://jacksragingmommy.com

Saturday, October 01, 2005

I hate my stupid ass. And belly. And arms... etc.

What the fuck happened to jeans sizing? I mean, they have to have fiddled with the sizing. There is no fucking way I'm that fat. Except that I am, and I'm really depressed about it. At least I didn't eat in response.

I tried to go jeans shopping today. I'd describe it, but it wasn't funny like my dress shopping experience. It was hell and I ended up not buying anything because I just can't bring myself to buy clothes in those sizes. I'm pretty sure I've gained back every one of those damn fifteen pounds, and probably plus some. Hell, I'm probably fatter than I was when I was nine months pregnant. I look like shit, I feel like shit, and there isn't a whole hell of a lot I can do about it right now.

Have you ever felt like dying because of how you look? I have, and far too often. I didn't want to kill myself today, so that's something. I was however in tears about it at least four times and unfortunately once in front of my mother who is trying to help, I do know that, but it doesn't help so shut the hell up. I didn't say that.

I hate myself right now. I'm disgusting, and ugly, and should not go out in public. It's too embarrassing.
Yes, I'm feeling a bunch of self pity. It's my blog, I'm allowed. If you don't like it, fuck off 'cause I am in no mood to be nice right now.