May Books

Secrets of the Ancient Goddess- Brenda Gates Smith*
The Chocolate War- Robert Cormier*
Kiss The Girls- James Patterson
Beyond The Chocolate War-Robert Cormier*
Valley of the Dolls-Jacqueline Suzanne
The Perfect Storm-Sebastian Junger*
Light A Penny Candle- Maeve Binchy*
Cherry- Mary Kerr*
Bellwether- Connie Willis*
Prep- Curtis Sittenfeld
The Truth Machine- James L. Halperin (Highly Recommended)
I am what I ate, and I'm Frightened- Bill Cosby
The Look- Nina Blanchard
The Dark Half- Stephen King*
Masie Dobbs-Jaqueline Winspear
Unplanned Parenthood- Liz Carpenter
Trading Up- Candace Bushnell
Slaughterhouse 5- Kurt Vonnegut
Catch 22- Joseph Heller

*re-read

"Funny" story

The Iranians next door are moving out.

I got drunk one night and apologized to them for America.

The Long and Winding Weekend

It really was a long weekend, not just due to the holiday on Monday. We got Caleb on Friday (eventually) and then Raina and Matt got in to town about 10 that night. We were up drinking and laughing and accidentally waking up children until 3 AM. It was great, but damn did we pay for it the next morning when the boys decided that 6AM was an appropriate time to start the day.

Now, I got the house pretty spotless (well, relatively speaking) but with three extra people in the house and four of them being mildly hungover adults who didn't feel like cleaning, it got a tad messy. It's still a tad messy, but at least all the pizza boxes have been thrown away.

We went to Lane Springs on Sunday, it's a river that comes from a natural spring, so the water is cold as hell, but it's generally not a very crowded place. It was the first time Caleb had been swimming in natural water, and the first time in water that wasn't a bath for Jack. They both loved it, which was a relief. Jack had been teething and evil for two days and I just knew he'd make the whole process not so great. But instead he thought the water was wonderful, and splashing and throwing small rocks off the river bed to be hilarious. He also got over his fear of sand, which meant a lot more running around for all of us, but also a lot more laughter.

everyone went back home Monday, Caleb taking longer than most since the EBM once again couldn't get her act together. Yesterday morning was spent doing all the laundry we hadn't done for the last two weeks. Well, in all honesty, spent by Joe. He did all six loads. I have a great husband. Praise him and wonder at all he does. Now if I could just get him to take out the trash without my asking. (Kidding dear! Though I totally get the "I want you to want to do the dishes" line from the Break-up trailer).

It was nice to have friends our age over. Someone to drink with, someone who can talk back using complete sentences and proper grammar. And not only that, but friends our age who like kids and enjoyed being around both the boys. I think they were also viewing it as a bit of a trial run for themselves since Raina let us know that they had bought "the ring" not too long ago. I think Matt is waiting for her to finish her thesis, which is great incentive for her really.

I'm still depleted, and not having the best time putting together coherent thought, which is odd since I actually got some practice at it. We have to figure out a better solution with the EBM, which I think we may have. As always it hinges on her actually cooperating with whatever is decided. I have a lot of anger that this woman has the ability to disrupt my life to the level that she does, but we'll leave all that for later. The next time I feel the need to cuss her out over the phone for instance. I can just put that here instead, right?

I feel like I'm not adequately expressing how great the weekend was, because it was wonderful. Perhaps it's just the letdown of the return to every day life.

(Speaking of letdown, I finally got to see Brokeback Mountain. I also saw Transamerica which I enjoyed most thoroughly.)

Bonus EBM Anecdote

So at about 2pm I called the EBM to make sure we were still on to meet in St. Clair at 4pm. Yes, we are, she assured me. She'd be leaving work momentarily and all was well in the world.

I arrived at our meeting place at 3:45 having made excellent time. And leaving early. Cause I am neurotic like that. I knew she'd be late, but I continue to hope.

Now, mind you it's over 90 degrees outside, and Jack hates sitting in a car if it's not moving. So here I am walking around, carrying my one year old waiting. We walked around inside the gas station for a while, but seriously, it all got old quick.
So I am waiting.

And waiting,


and yes, waiting some more.

I eventually called her house, no answer of course.
I drove around town checking other locations she might have gone to in error.

It's now 5:15 and she's still not there. I am preparing to make one last call, and then she shows up. At 5:30. An hour and a half late. An hour and forty-five minutes after I arrived.
Her excuse? She didn't get out of work on time.
And then went to the wrong gas station.

Uh huh.

Stupid bitch.

Oh My

So it's been a long time since I've had hard alcohol. Or a 7&7 which can taste deceptively mild no matter how strong it actually is. (And boy can I make a strong drink) Do you see where this is leading?

I got way too drunk the other night. There were no sexual favors, 'cause I was that drunk. I had the sense of mind to record Lost when I realized I had no clue what was happening on the screen. I apparently told Joe the same stories behind the purchases over and over. And I did a little drunk dialing too, but this was before I lost the rest of the evening, so I don't think that went over too badly.

I spent all day yesterday with severe gastro-intestinal distress, and my kidneys hurt. How do you drink so much that your kidneys hurt? I seem to have managed that feat. But I will definitely hold off on the whiskey for a while.
Damn.


I'm going to pick up Caleb later today. He hasn't been here in forever because the Evil Baby Mama has been a total bitch and we even went so far as to get a lawyer (that's what that all was about) and try to handle it legally. That scared the hell out of her, so she and Joe sat down with a mediator and came up with a custody agreement. Then last weekend, her first weekend to bring him to us, she flaked out. I knew she wouldn't follow the agreement but I really didn't think she would do it her very first weekend. Have I mentioned that I hate this woman?

I did discover that I can talk to her agreeably when we are both drunk though :)

We got the house mostly cleaned up for the company. I also would like to take this opportunity to praise the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. If it didn't mean proving how bad the bathroom sink looked to begin with I totally would have taken pictures. The last time I tried cleaning with Scrubbing Bubbles and a regular sponge at first, and when involved too much scrubbing I tried the magic eraser. That is now the first weapon in any cleaning arsenal I have. And no, Mr. Clean didn't bribe me with free Magic Erasers.

If companies do what to start sending me free swag I'm a total whore for that kind of thing. Email contact is on the right :)

Dead Woman Writing

Joe is going to kill me when he gets home from work and found out how much I spent at the store.
To be fair, I warned him before he went to work I was doing a very thorough shopping and may spend a lot, thinking in my head something around $150. I spent $250. Now, $15 of that alone was tax, cause damn that liquor tax is expensive. How much did you spend on alcohol, you ask. Well, it's interesting that you should ask that. We have guests coming this weekend, and I wanted something better than cheap beer to offer. So I got four bottles of wine and two bottles of liquor, and though it wasn't expensive I still spent around $50 on the potables alone.

Then there were hair products. I'm bored with my hair, so to put off cutting it all off, which is something I can only pull off while thin, I got lots of little hair clippies and whatnot.

Oh! And I found the nicest glass mugs that are perfect for chilling and drinking beer out of. But they are real. And glass. I only got four though! ('Cause of the company. Otherwise I would have stuck to two)

And then there's the whole company is coming and the sheets on the old mattress are worn as hell. So new sheets. And pillows! I got the cheap ones though, but it adds up.

What else? A few baby things (still no leash. They keep selling out as soon as they come in stock. I am going to order them off the website), a couple kitchen things, and some random food.

I'm now relaxing with a 7&7 (what, you thought the alcohol would last untouched 'til the company arrived?) and am hoping to be pleasantly toasted and willing to dole out sexual favors once Joe gets home and sees the total.

I think I have cancer.

Now, before you freak out and start to comfort me realize that this is just me being my over-dramatic insane self.
I have a mole on my shoulder that has grown a tiny little polyp. It's not a big deal, but there's this whole thing about if a mole changes at all that it could be cancer and have it checked immediately.
So I'll get around to that. As long as it's covered by the clinic.
Sigh.

Now what this is really all about.
I don't have that filter that most people have. The one that tells them what is appropriate, and when it's appropriate, and who it's appropriate with.

I'm a pretty open person, and I try to be honest, it's this whole thing from being lied to so often. But I take it too far. No, I don't think I should cover up that I am a birth mom, or that I am bi. For the most part these aren't terribly uncomfortable topics. But talking so openly about those things tends to make me open about other things that are a lot more uncomfortable. And yet I open my mouth and unload to someone something they don't really want to hear. Completely sober I do this. Which means I don't have drunken crazy logorrhea to blame.

I've gotten better over the years, but every now and then I do something colossally stupid that makes me hate myself and my stomach hurt, and that dredges up all the other stupid things I've done. Then they start to snowball and I don't leave the house for days.

I have to stop obsessing. I know it's bad for me, I know it's not productive and I'll only mess up my stomach again and get a full blown ulcer this time. I also shouldn't care what others think of me, especially if I'm going to go around telling them highly personal things. I don't think I'll ever get over that one though.
Deep down I want to be liked.
I think we all do.

Someone back East is saying "Now why don't he write?"

This was my day today:

I got up when Jack woke up. He ate, I made lasagne for breakfast.
While it was cooking we played ball. Which is really more like fetch since he doesn't roll the ball back, but rather brings it back by hand.

We watched TV.
He napped.
I napped.

We ate again.
We watched more TV, and played a form of wrestling that consists of Jack climbing all over me and kneeing me in the face.

TV.
Playing.
Bedtime for Jack,
Doctor Who and Numbers for me.

Once Joe gets home I will shower and go to the store, something I didn't have the energy to do along with Jack.

This is why there are often days I do not write.
The End.

Welcome to the House of Mucous

We are all sick.
Snotty, Phlegmy, Coughing, Sneezing sick.

As such I keep pissing myself.
You know how it is after you've had a baby. Hundreds of Keigels and no improvement. I hadn't had any problems in so long that naturally I assumed things were sprung back into place. Silly, silly JRM.
They really aren't. Which I figured after I changed for the third time yesterday.

This is why I love my fellow internet mommies. I mean, who else can you admit to that you pissed yourself and not only will they not wrinkle their noses in disgust, they will tell you about the times they did it themselves. (Please tell me about the times you did it yourself, solidarity would be great right now)

I've never been a fan of women. I've always had mostly male friends, I just got along with them better. I had started to realize it was changing, and I wondered if it was just due to being a mom and having others to commiserate with. I mean, guys can't really do that so well. Even if a man is the full time caregiver he doesn't piss himself. Then I heard a line on Grey's Anatomy last night (good episode but a bit of a letdown) and when Christina said "I didn't like teenage girls when I was one" I had that feeling of "OH! That's the distinction!". The adult females that piss me off still tend to behave like teenage girls. The ladies I do like tend to be (relatively) mature, intelligent women. They can just also geek out or be silly, or understand the desire to dye my hair purple. (Which I do think I will be doing soon. 13 piercings, purple hair and I drive a mini-van. I LOVE the irony there.)

Thank you ladies. Now if you don't mind I am going to go change my pants.

Anger Management

Lately the internet has been pissing me off. A LOT.

Rather, a lot of people in blog-land are. Not so much the people on my blogroll, just the things I keep running across. I don't really want to go into it, because a lot of it isn't so much anything tangible, just me being overly sensitive and bitchy.

The thing is, people aren't really being asses (per se) but I'm just interpreting it that way. Well, a lot of them are being asses, but they don't realize it. A person can be an ass without knowledge or intent, but it's only marginally better.

And I so need to stop reading message boards. They are full of ignorant trolls and I know that yet I punish myself anyhow. For instance, have you ever read any of the forums on IMDB? Oh My GOD. That's some grade-A ignorance right there. Yet I keep going back. It's like a train wreck. Or the Surreal Life. (Tawny Kitaen is such a bitch!)

As such I've been avoiding the internet altogether before I start flame wars. It's so easy to do, you know? Hell, a pic of your kid in a t-shirt can start a mommyblog-land-wide war.

It's like I was bitching about last week, ignorance just drives me up the freakin' wall. Luckily, I have you all. Your pages keep me sane, and they are my anger management. I mean, if you can't laugh along with fellow moms where is that going to leave you?

This also explains why I haven't written anything significant lately. I've noticed that when I am in this kind of mood I wrote the most bile-filled, vitriolic rants. Usually I stop myself in time, but there are those times I just don't give a shit and end up pissing people off. It's always hilarious how people react. EVERY time I make people mad I get a comment or email saying "now I know why they call you Jack's Raging Mommy".
I want to tell people look: I call myself Jack's Raging Mommy, and openly say I am a bitch. Where does the surprise come in?

Oh well, I ended up ranting after all.
Sorry :)

Mother's Day in the hiz-ouse

I just wanted to give a Happy Mother's Day shout out to all my home girls in inter-web land.

No, I have no idea why I am talking like that.

I think it has to do with the exhaustion.

Help, I need a background, Help, not just any background

I'm getting bored with the book theme. I mean, I like it, but it's been a few weeks and we all know how short my attention span is. So I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions? Any past themes that you miss and would like to see again? An entirely new idea? The best one I have right now is a tie-dye psychedelic thing. Which I may just do anyway since that could be nice and colorful and fun, but I wouldn't mind the feedback.

Jack is entering a one or two nap a day cycle now, which means putting him to bed when tired isn't working anymore since he stays up until 10 now if I let him. So I am having to learn how to do scheduled naptimes and bedtime. This sucks. I don't spoil the kid, but I also can't listen to him yell. It hurts me. But if I keep giving in and getting him up then he will end up spoiled. I know all the techniques, and I'm following them, it's just so hard to listen to your child cry and know you have the power to stop it, but not to do so.
It usually doesn't take to long to set the patters properly if you stick to it, right? Reassure me please.
(I say all this since I am currently listening to a very unhappy baby protest his naptime.)

Thanks :)

Dear Britney Spears,

I'd like to have you know I defended you. I'm not a fan, never have been. Hell, I wanted your fifteen minutes to be up when your first song came out. But I defended you nonetheless.
"She can't be that stupid" I would say. "She isn't that ignorant and trashy. She is just having a hard time losing her baby weight. It's only been a few months for God's sake. Just because everyone else in Hollywood gets rid of it in two weeks, this doesn't mean anything. Fuck, it's even healthier! Of course she wouldn't be pregnant again already. The first baby didn't save the marriage, if anything it's shown her how unready she was to be a parent. She wouldn't have another one before the year was up. She just can't be that moronic."

And oh, Britney, how you proved me wrong. You are a new mom, you have a lazy, talentless jackass for a husband. I understand that you didn't know what you were getting yourself into and you are doing your best to make it work, but damn girl. You let his dick in you again? Uncovered? That SOON? He's an idiot. I am sure you could have made him wait the six weeks even though you had a C-section. He wouldn't have known any better. I doubt Shar let him climb up on her that soon. But maybe that is why he said you were better in bed. Any way you look at it though, it was a boneheaded move.

Please do me a favor and have him snipped after this one? I have no doubt that he's the type that says it doesn't feel right with a condom, and don't worry baby he'll pull out. I wouldn't be surprised if you are that girl who can never remember to take he pills, whether she intended to or not. I was that girl, but I also managed to put eight years between my pregnancies. And I certainly didn't let the same irresponsible dumbass knock me up more than once. Anyway, if you have him snipped you don't have to worry about those skanks he sleeps with suing him over paternity claims and taking your money. Hasn't he cost you enough already?

Anyway,
I just wanted you to know how disappointed I am in you. I was willing to give you all kinds of new credit in my head since you and I were new moms together, but after the car, the highchair, and now this I just can't do it anymore.
You need to be educated. In life, birth control, men, and so many other things. Let your mama take care of those kids for a while and go away and put your brain back together. I really only have your best interests at heart.

Sincerely,
Jack's Raging Mommy

I'm such a slacker

After Wednesday night's spectacular LOST episode I've spent most of the day online fooling around with The Hanso Foundation website and taking part in "The Lost Experience".
If you thought the show was engrossing wait until you get caught up in all the tie ins.
For instance? The book Sawyer was reading that Jack threw in the fire? It's been published. The story goes that the author was on the flight on the way back from being published in Sydney. There is even a video interview where he talks about the book and mentions... TA DA! The Hanso Foundation and the Dharma Initiative which he apparently wrote a DaVinci Code-style non fiction books about.

I'm telling you, it's addictive.

Yes, the only thing I talk about is TV. If you don't like it you can bite me. Also, you can relax 'cause I swear the next post wont be TV-centric.
We are heading up tomorrow to do birthdays with my older son's family. And then to do them with Joe's family. Should be fun, and tiring.

Sigh.

Censorship, thy name is W

So CSPAN decided to yank the Colbert footage from You Tube. They seem to be claiming copyright infringement, but other footage from this year's dinner and last years entire dinner is still available on the site.

The media claims they didn't cover his appearance because it "wasn't funny" but reports are also out that President Bush is angry as hell.

All of this is incidental next to the question that if they didn't like his act, and his humor, then why the hell was he hired anyway?


Unrelated, I've had a headache for three days.

Colbert, My Mom and My Baby

(see the rest at You Tube)

Sometimes I forget how ignorant people on the internet can be. I spend a lot of time at very specific, mostly intelligent sites, and as such avoid the trolls as much as is possible. So it really never occurred to me when I went over to You Tube to watch the video of Steven Colbert at the White House Correspondents Dinner that the comments would be full of people who didn't know who Colbert was, didn't get the jokes (how ignorant are they?), and didn't appreciate the humor. Why did you watch the video then? Once you realized it wasn't your cup of tea why did you continue watching? And what possessed you to comment on your ignorance?

Then there are those who thought they knew what was going on and helpfully explained to others that Colbert was "playing" Bill O'Reilley. No, not so much. He's playing a Republican commentator/pundit based on several TV personalities. He's not just being O'Reilley. Jesus. These are the ones who want us to believe they are in the know. It makes me understand why O'Reilley referred to Daily Show viewers as stoned slackers.

I just wonder when ignorance became so acceptable. People don't care that they are stupid, and many of them seem to be proud of it. Why should I read a book? Who cares if my grammar is atrocious, I don't know how to pronounce words and I can't even tell you who the first president of the United States was? For fuck's sake. No grade school child should NOT know who the first president was. I can't recite them all, but at least I know that much, which something like 40% of American High School students don't know. WTF.

Anyway.

My mom had a brief scare when some blood work showed her to have critical levels of blood clotting agent. She was rushed to the emergency room where they made her wait for over half an hour. And the sad part is that was fast.

I'm going to get the video from Jack's first birthday party and put it up. We got some great cake covered shots, and the ensuing bath. He's picking up words like crazy now, it's fun, and freaky and fulfilling and I am running out of f words.
Anyway, he's cute.
My baby rocks.